Who needs pocket change? Financial security is overrated. If you think it would be fun to pour gas on your purse or wallet and set it on fire, you’re in the right place. Here are five easy ways to waste money on gas (#4 will make bookworms smile).

Note: This blog was inspired by an episode of Top Gear. I’m a proud member of DriveTribe: a new online community for motorheads launched by Richard Hammond, James May, and Jeremy Clarkson. Click here to open my Tribe in a new tab. Check it out after you finish reading this post! 🙂

1. Floor the gas pedal.

Embrace your inner Danica Patrick. When the traffic light turns green, paint a mental picture of an official waving a checkered flag. Gun it! Repeat this process as you drive through town, even if you end up sitting next to the same exact car at every red-light (hey, it’s fun to confuse people!).

2. Never check tire pressure.

Tires are not important. Sure, they’re the hardest working equipment on your vehicle, but who cares? They should be able to handle the punishment. If they get under-inflated (very bad for fuel economy), that’s not your problem. You already get an oil change whenever you remember. Isn’t that enough?

3. Change lanes as much as possible.

Changing lanes constantly wastes gas, because it increases the total distance you cover during a drive. Never mind the disgruntled drivers who have to slam their brakes to avoid rear-ending your bumper. They’re in your way! Also, you might knock a whole minute off your road trip. It’s worth the trouble.

4. Keep a bunch of junk in your trunk.

The more weight is in your car, the harder your motor engine has to work, the more gas you will burn. Looking for suggestions? Bricks, cement, and beer kegs are some of the heaviest items in existence. Bookworm? Empty your bookshelf. Put all of the books inside boxes. Place those inside your trunk. Boom! Mission accomplished.

5. Crank your heater up at ALL times.

Even if your car interior feels like the Sahara desert, keep the heater blasting. I’ve heard saunas can help you lose weight. Why not try? Don’t worry about wearing layers in winter. Your hard-working heater will warm you up eventually. Wearing a sweater might speed up the process, but don’t worry about it.

FYI: this was a sarcastic post. Do NOT follow any of these tips, because you’ll waste gas (lots of it!). If this blog made you laugh or you can relate, share it with a friend. Check me out on DriveTribe!